~if tHerE wAs rEaLLy suCh a tHing as reiNcarnatiOn~

before i begin writing this post..
-> just wanna tell ket(not bothering to 'encrypt' her name here since it appears in the comments page alreadi..haha..) most of my posts shld be quite long de.. haha.. n btw, its close-to-blond, not really blond ok.. =p
-> and dawn, thanx for dropping by to be a KPO.. =p quite happy to sEe mY frens hAving an intereSt in my life..

About 2months ago, i caught this show on SCV, called <水浒无间道>. I was quite hooked onto it, because the story is quite interesting and funny. But it was nearing exams le.. and with SEP interview looming as well, i didn't wanna screw up my exams, so i reluctantly stopped watching. But after exams, ha! ha! ha! i went to get the vcd, all 3boxes of them, and finished watching them b4 i even went to the malaysia training trip in mid-dec!! haha..

Anyway, the story is about 2 guys (张智林 and 王喜), who were 武松's and 林沖's reincarnation. (Note: for those who don't know, they were 2 of the 108 heros of 水浒传). In this life, 王喜 is the star of the police force, while 智林 is an undercover. Unaware of his identity, 王喜 sees 智林 as an enemy as he is wrking for the underworld leader he is after. 智林 recalls his past identity(only after a knock) but 王喜 doesn't. Although 王喜 abuses his power, mistreats his subordinates, 智林 believes 王喜 is behaving in such a way, only because he doesn't remember who he was, and decided not to do anything about it. But to the horror of 智林, 王喜 is a philandering playboy, something he cannot accept. In his heart, 林沖 is someone righteous, has great leadership skills, impartial and traditional, all of which the current life of 王喜 is-not. So, he tries all kinds of ways to 'help' him recall his past and this is where the comical part of the show ensues. Along with them are an underworld leader(rebirth of Song Jiang), Gigi Lai(acting as Pan Jinlian's reincarnation) plus 2 guys who fell madly in love with her that they went crazy. One is called Simon, the other is Ah Qing. Simon + Qing = Ximen Qing... haha.. so dumb..

Watching this show, really made me thought hard. If there was really such a thing as reincarnation.. who wld i be? Hmmm.. i thought about it for quite sometime, but i cant really pinpoint anyone that i could possibly be. Probably because my knowledge of the chinese history is quite limited ba.. most of the historical figures i know come from the 三国时代. Or maybe im too average le ba.. i could just be the reincarnation of some 平民, who works in the farmland or lives in the mountains.. haha..

But if u really want me to state a name.. i think 马谡 ba.. 马谡, is someone from 三国时代. He is the younger brother of a competent advisor, 马良. The two brothers began their service under Liu Bei when he was still a guest of Liu Biao at Jingzhou. Many people spoke greatly of 马谡, about his potential, with Zhuge Liang also being impressed with his expansive knowledge in military stratagems. But, as Liu Bei has predicted correctly at his deathbed, "马谡这个人, 有其名而无其实, 不可重用". Later at a northern expedition of Wei, 马谡 made a terrible blunder in what was a decisive battle.

I feel i may be him, because, people always tell me how good i m at this, how good i m at that, but i myself don't feel that im particularly good at anything. Maybe some pple only see the surface, maybe some are just consoling me. I mean, if someone says they r not good at something, you cant go on n say.. "Yah.. i think so too.." cant be right.. hehheh..

Well.. then again.. mayb its just tt sometimes i set too high expectations for myself so that even if im good at something, i think im not? haha.. so bhb.. but still, i feel tt i do not live up to expectations. Plus, i don't have the big stage temperament, i fail at the most crucial stage, just like 马谡. When we are required to perform to our best, we fail the people around us. There were so many such cases... Montfort pri 6 badminton finals, Ajc J2 soccer semis.. few of the many things i regret not doing good enough (probably talk more abt them in the next post).. haiz..

Mayb im being too critical of myself? haha.. tts how i am la.. i always put myself down. Anyway,
im trying to read up on the 春秋战国时代, mayb there would be someone who fits me more.. keke..

Though i very much believe in reincarnation, there's just no prove to it.. so these r just food for thought. hee~ Still.. take sometime off someday, think about who u might have been.. =)