~dEprEsSiOn is jUst aNgEr w/o eNthUsiAsm~

been really busy these 2 weeks with assignments and midterms, quite glad that majority of it is over le.. basically left with 2 assignments, 1 presentation, 1 midterm, 1 mini-project, a 1800-word essay.. a few webcasts.. eh.. tt still sounds alot.. wahaha..

Abt a month ago, was quite in depression.. initially thot i was so 潇灑, dun feel anything. How was i to know tt the withdrawal symptoms were delayed. Everything went wrong for me. Studies was in a mess. Even soccer was bad too.. i cant break into the first team.. but rightly so.. performances were so bad, even im disgusted.. health was bad.. There was like a domino effect happening. One thing led to another, then another, and another.. its never ending.. i really wished for someone to put out a hand, to stop the dominos from falling further..

Everyday, i tried to bury myself under all the sh** that NUS threw at me, but i cldn't do the wrk well.. i just cldn't conc.. After all the wrk, i wld turn on all the sad songs on my laptop and lie on my bed, feeling sad for myself, till i fall asleep. I was in quite a bad state. I used to be able to eat alone, without feeling weird. Now, when i sit in Macs or Mos, eating my lunch or dinner, i feel kinda lonely, a feeling i hadn't had before. It's like.. suddenly u feel empty inside..

But i knew i was wallowing in too much self-pity when i had to be consoled by a 21 yr old!!! I felt so useless that i appeared so vulnerable. With the mad rush of assignments coming up, I told myself that all these must stop, else i wld really flunk the sem.

"It's pointless to depend on others to make you happy"

It wasn't easy. Nobody said it was gonna be easy. Then, i came across this article on the newpaper one day. Hsu Wei-lun just passed away a few days ago, and the article was abt the comments her friends made.They all described her as a bubbly, cheerful person. But one comment caught my attention. Someone said, she was a very happy person, so much that those around them wld be infected with her "happiness" and become happy. I want to be like her, to be remembered as someone who is ever so happy and can affect pple the way she does.

All these was what made me make up my mind to drag myself out of self-pity and live like a man~~~. haha..

So, if u(esp hnjb) r feeling really sad abt something(s), pull yourself together. There is no problem so great that u cant solve. Like what i say, nobody says it's gonna be easy, but have faith. If you believe in it, you can do it.